I am a hermit.

As I’ve described in another post, I am both introverted (I draw my energy from within and need alone time to recharge) and shy (hesitant to speak up and reach out to others). A night alone in a quiet house with a movie or video game sounds great to me the vast majority of the time. Being around people adds a host of pressures to say the right thing, impress and entertain people, be polite and responsible, etc. As a younger man, I viewed my shyness as a liability. As an adult, at some point I decided to put on my Lady Gaga meat dress and accept that I was Born This Way.

However, I married a non-hermit.

Jenny isn’t one of those people who can’t stand to be alone and need to be out partying with someone whenever possible. However, she’s a slight extrovert, enjoys spontaneous social activities, and needs regular interaction with other adults besides me. The boys can be lots of fun and very loving, but sometimes it’s nice to be able to discuss something other than poop, Pop-Tarts, and Phineas and Ferb.

So we are a mismatched couple in terms of socializing. Now what?

We’ve worked out a pretty good compromise. She tries not to surprise me at 4:00pm by booking us for a 6:00pm dinner date. She doesn’t host parties every night or drag me out to do stuff with people constantly. We’re already fairly busy in the evening with church Sunday nights, class for her on Mondays and Wednesdays, and home group every other Tuesday. It’s nice to have some nights free to spend time together with the boys and just the two of us. These days you’ll often find me playing Skyrim and Jenny happily buried in a book on her Kindle after the boys are in bed.

In return, we try to plan time in advance to spend with other people so that I have time to mentally prepare. One or both of us go out to dinner and/or coffee with our crew on Sundays after church. Every other week we host home group with the same people, some of our closest friends. We try to plan other excursions as well, such as having people over for dinner, going to sporting events or shows, and various parties for birthdays and other celebrations. It’s cool with me as long as I know in advance and get some recharge time soon before or after. With the boys and school, we aren’t quite as socially active as Jenny probably wants to be, but we’re doing OK and both happy with the balance we’ve found.

Some couples are both extroverts or both introverts. Others are opposite from us with an outgoing guy and an introverted girl. What’s the situation for you and your significant other? How do you handle socializing in a way that makes both sides feel respected, happy, and comfortable?