UPDATE: The surgery went well. As promised, it took 5-10 minutes and caused only minor discomfort. I went to work as planned without taking anything stronger than ibuprofen for pain. In the interest of taste, I’ll spare you the other details, but I’ll tell you all you want to know if you’re really interested. Thank for for your interest in my reproductive health. =)

PS…United HealthCare denied my request for a consolation iPad, so I picked up a vanilla milkshake instead. It was quite tasty.

=============================================

With January’s addition of Jonathan to our family, we now have a 1:1 ratio of parents to children. We like that ratio. It divides perfectly. It’s population-neutral in that each parent produces a single offspring. We can play Spades or doubles tennis together. Once the boys get older, we’ll be able to ride most roller coasters without making someone ride solo or (EEEEK!) with a stranger. We can all barely fit in the Turbo Mini that Jenny wants to get someday.

You know where I’m going with this: it’s time to shut down the Box baby production line. I know some of you are disappointed. After all, our boys are awfully cute. But we’re very happy with two.

The most important part of the line (Jenny) actually ceased operations in January during her c-section for Jonathan. Since strange things happen sometimes, I’m going to get fixed as well. If we ever get pregnant again, it will truly be a miracle! (yes, it has happened before – that’s how a friend of ours got here, but that’s another story) As a side note, ever wonder why they call it “getting fixed”, as if fertile = broken?

Today is the day, this afternoon to be specific. My urologist is Richard Beven-Thomas in Arlington. Why him? He offers a special type of vasectomy that uses no needles and no scalpel. Given the sensitivity of the target area, I liked the sound of this technique. A lot. He’s very smart and experienced. He also considers “balls” a legitimate medical term. Did I mention he doesn’t use a needle or a scalpel?

No-Needle, No-Scalpel Vasectomy

YouTube posts several videos of the procedure in case you’re really curious, but I doubt you are. =)

My mom told me that another country had trouble getting its men to get vasectomies at one time. Then they started passing out free radios with each procedure, and demand skyrocketed. Suddenly the guys walking around with radios were the most popular guys in town! Hmm… I propose that on the way out the door, each man who gets a vasectomy should get a free iPad. Are you listening, United HealthCare? For a deal like that, I’ll take two.

The doctor says the procedure and recovery should be fairly easy. I can drive myself home and need only Advil for pain. Famous last words? We’ll see. I’m scheduled to work Monday night thanks to a possibly foolish shift trade. If I have to call in sick, I hope to get a male superintendent instead of our lone female one. I don’t want to explain to Emily that I can’t work tonight because my crotch hurts.